Mám je v hlavě!

13. února 2013 v 15:43 | Abigail
Spousta mých myšlenek, tak jak jdou - neuspořádaně... zřejmě jsem chtěla, aby si to někdo přečetl.

Je to už delší dobu, co jsem viděla Gilmorova děvčata, kdy se Zack tak snažil, aby Lane připravil na to, že by s ní chtěl ztrávit noc. Kromě toho, že záměr vůbec neprohlédla tak mu sdělila, že se s ním vyspí zřejmě až po svatbě, vzhledem k tomu, že to tak mají v rodině, přestože to tak není, což neopoměla sdělit ;)
Potom šla po ulici a potkala paní Kim a začala na ni z ničeho nic křičet, že ji má v hlavě, že se kvůli její výchově nemůže vyspat s klukem, kterýho má ráda.

No a tak to mám já nějak doma. Ne, že by souviselo se vztahy, to vůbec ne, i když také nepřispívá fakt, že je otec navezenej doma každej den... Ale spíš v tom, že jsou věci, které bych vážně moc chtěla například Tablet nebo Zrcadlovku - jsou úmyslně s velkými písmeny! Ale nekoupím si ani jedno a proč? Je to drahé a pak je tu ta otázka! Ta pitomá otázka, kterou mi vždycky říkali!
"A POTŘEBUJEŠ TO?!"
Kruci, ano! Potřebuju to, chci to. Chci se někam psychicky posunout, ale je spousta věcí, který mi v tom brání - převážně já, samozřejmě.
Vážně už jsem byla rozhodnutá si ten tablet koupit, protože doma se nedostanu na mail a nemůžu odeslat zprávu zrovna když potřebuju.
Jistě, máma věčně namítá, že můžu jít k ní do práce na internet, ale když pracujete a pak máte jeden den volna tak se vám vážně nikam nechce. Nebo po práci? Ani náhodou, když končím v šest apod. tak už se mi nechce k mamce do práce.
No, ale tak si tak stojím v Elektroworldu - nevěděla jsem, jak velkých je 7´ a 10´ palců a ani odhad přepočtu mi nepomohl. Nicméně, stála jsem tam a koukám a koukám... a říkám si - POTŘEBUJU TO?! Potom mě okamžitě napadlo, kde se ta otázka vzala a jestli si mám koupit horší a nebo raději ten lepší, což znamená nesmyslně drahej, přičemž na ten bych vydělávala zhruba dva měsíce s tím, že chci jet v létě s kámoškama na Balaton a bla bla bla. Spousta otázek, který vyústily k tomu, že jsem si nekoupila ani tablet, kterej chci, abych mohla být mobilní na netu - což v mém případě znamená, být odkázaná na wifi, protože normální USB do tabletu nedáte, ani kdybyste se na hlavu postavili. To si musíte koupit přípojku a až pak. Takže si koupíte placatej displej s malou pamětí a... - nechápu, jak sama se sebou můžu žít. Mám tolik pro a proti a to je nikomu neříkám, jen probíhá taková malá válka v mém zuboženém nitru. Předpokládám, že takových válek vedu pořád dost takže to tam vypadá zhruba jak někde na poušti se dvěma obyvately, mnou a mnou. Egocentrické? Snad ne.
A pořádnej foťák? Budu s ním fotit? - JASNĚ ŽE JO! A víš to jistě? - FAJN! TAK NIC!

CHápete to? Jak někdo může tolik nesouhlasit sám se sebou? Jak můžu rezignovat sama před sebou?
Zkrátka! Moji rodiče se mi usídlili v hlavě! Nic si nekoupím, jen proto, že je to drahé! A tak by mě to bavilo, duševně uspokojilo - to si myslím.
I když jsem si koupila telefon tak jsem z toho měla výčitky a to ten můj blbnul a to jen proto, že nebyl bůhvíjak levnej. No co, tak jsem nechtěla mít mobil sto let za opicema.
Proč se ospravedlňuju?
 

Buď první, kdo ohodnotí tento článek.

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